FIONA APPLE CONCERT

 

Sunday night I went to the Santa Barbara Bowl with my niece Katie and saw Fiona Apple live in concert.

I had enjoyed Fiona's music in the past, but really didn't become a fan until a few years ago when I was given a link to a website that offered 11 leaked tracks from her shelved 3rd album, Extraordinary Machine. It was then that I realized what a lyrical genius she is.

I have read in articles and interviews where she talks about how shy, and self conscious she is, and how easily she gets embarrassed or stage fright, so I anticipated her body language to be stiff and reserved. Or like someone was putting a gun to her head and telling her that she better not fuck up one note or else.

I was WAY OFF. You have to see her understand what I'm talkiing about.

She has no gimmiks.

Just Think: Joe Cocker and Janice Joplin.

 

Her face would get so twisted and expressive.

Have you ever been crying really hard and caught glimpse of yourself in the mirror? My freind Jack calls it the "monkey face".

During instrumental parts of the song her body would manipulate the rest of her away from the mic by rocking, swinging or swaying, and then would scream inaudible things at the sky or the ground. Not at the audience and not in the mic. 

Sometimes, she would turn on her heels and look as though she had just chewed someone out and was going to storm off stage but would stop between her piano and drummer and sit down burring her head down between her knees and rock violently, scratching her head.
Other times just sit still and not move a muscle.

 

I have never seen a performer sing with such truth and passion.

Yes, Miss Apple you impressed Katie and I  so much.

We didnt want you to stop. 

Uncle Jerry Part Il (Is Adam Sandler a Good Thing?)

 

Friday night I taught my sister Lisa how to make Paprika Chicken and Dumplings. For those who do not know, it's a very popular Hungarian dish that is not very easy to make. Well that is if its made the right way Lisa said the last time she had Paprika Chicken was when Grandma (the Hungarian) made it, so that was a hard act to follow, especially the dumplings. The sauce that is made for this recipe is to be neither to thick or too thin, so you have to pay attention. And I think she did! (Yes my sister! paid attention to something I taught her!)
And it was my best batch ever...even the kids liked it.

Saturday Lisa and I spent time in her front yard cleaning the planter out and pulling weeds. This was my idea because one, I dont think of gardening as work anymore, and two; It gave us a chance to talk, rather than go somewhere like the movies or an amusement park where there's too much going on to have any real conversation.How grown up of me huh?! We worked all day long in the yard and got it looking so nice. Her home is very pretty. Its not that old but is a reproduction of a Victorian style home, painted a light blue with a white trim. And when we were finished she found a bird house from her attic and painted it the same colors as the house. Its cute.

We went to Walmart about 3 dozen times while I was there, and I have to say that the most interesting thingI saw there were the Polygamists wives all shopping together. I asked my sister,

"Did they just get finish performing in a play or something?"

She chuckled and told me who they were. That knocked me on my ass! There were about 5 of them wearing longsleevedfloor length dresses. Their shoes were like those old pointed boots that laced all the way up to the knee (well, I am assuming that the boots went up to their knees because the dress of course covered their ankels). Their hair was long and braided, and in the front, their bangs were sort of a swoop-hoop-de loop thingy. Ugh. (If you saw them that would have made perfect sence) Each of them all looked like they had a touch of Down Syndrome, and definately looked under 18 years of age. Lisa told me that the wives refer to the other wives as 'sisters'. I said,

"Refer to them as sisters? They probably are sisters"

Then what happened next sent me into a panic. Billy and Shane both asked me to go play Basketball with them at the school. Oh no! No no no! My image of Super Uncle was about to be shattered!

I looked at Billy and said to him,

"Okay, this is one of the disadvantages of having a fruit for an Uncle. There are sooooo many things I will be good for, like making sure you're the studliest looking guy at prom, letting you in on what girls really like etc...But when it comes to sports, I just plain suck."

He and Shane both giggled a bit. I dont know if it was just because I was so open about it or if it was because they took the slang "suck" out of text or whatever, but within the same breath whined,

"So what?! We dont care! Puh-leeeeze? Will you go with us?!"

How could I not go? And so I did. I mean, I know how to dribble a ball but thats the extent ofit. I just never played sports! And living in LA its not important to be athletic, you only have to look athletic.

So we get to the school and Shane says,

"Okay its Uncle Jerry and me against Billy"

That sounded totally fair to me. So the boys start doing all their moves and moving all over the place and I casually walked up to Billy with my chest out and said calmly

"Gimme the ball Billy"

They both snickered. I raised my voice a bit,

"I said Gimme the BALL Billy!"

He laughed and tried to go around me. I BOOMED,

"GIMME THE GOD DAMN BALL BILLY!!!"

I caught him and got the ball away from him and walked up to the hoop holding the ball up above my head so that he couldnt reach it, and carefully placed it in the hoop and screamed in my most butchest of butch voices (and I must say I can do it quite well)

"HE SHOOTS!! HE SCORES!!! YES!

They were rolling with laughter (whew!). This went on for about 45 minutes along with me passing the ball to Shane and picking Billy up and off to the side of the courtso that Shane could score. Holy Shit! I am soooo out of shape! They wore me OUT! But I saved my face (double whew!).

Later, when we got back I heard Billy on the phone telling his friends that his Uncle Jerry cracked him up and they all had to meet me, and that it was just like having Adam Sandler for an uncle.

I'm not sure if this is a good thing or not. I'll assume its not a bad thing.

Anyway, I was sad leaving them and I wish that we all lived closer. I love them a lot.

Oh Tammy!!

I played hooky today from work, and had a great time watching some really corny old movies on AMC. One was called "Tammy and the Bachelor" with Debbie Reynolds and Leslie Neilsen. I couldn't believe how good looking Neilsen was, and what a slut that Tammy was!
After that movie there was about 20 other ''Tammy'' movies. "Tammy Tell Me True", "Tammy Goes to College", "Tammy Up the Lazy River" and on and on. I kept expecting to see "Tammy Does the South"
Whew! She was a busy girl!!!

My First Haircut

After my grandmother died, my father discovered that she kept just about every bit of mail..he found the picture and note he had written to his parents after my first visit to the barber.

Uncle Jerry Part I

 

I am in St George, Utah. I arrived Tuesday night after work around 11pm. My niece Leslie graduated from High School this morning (at 8am!!!) and although it was a long boring typical HS grad ceremony, I am very glad I came. I took her out to lunch yesterday and had a great day together. She just now left for Grad Night to Disneyland and I still have her two little brothers Billy (14yo) and Shane (10yo) here to play uncle to.

I must say that I feel slightly guilty because my eldest niece, Lindsey graduated from Long Beach College today, but I had already promised Les that I would come here before I knew about the big college girls day. Lindsey is very okay with it. I bought her a bottle of Dom before I left. Some may say that was an odd choice for a gift. But sometimes things that don't matter, well...really matter. Does that make any sense?

 

I took Leslie out for lunch yesterday just her and I, and we had a great visit. It's odd how you want them to stop growing, but at the same time have such  admiration for them when you see them mature and can start having adult conversations where you don't have to explain any words or jokes. But yeah...if I could slow down the time a bit I would, and savor more of their young faces and the charm that goes along with them.

 

Billy, who is 14yo went to Leslies graduation with us and he and I were making fun of people. As the senior class president addressed the audience, he said " This morning I awoke and  decided to do something different..." I leaned over to Billy and said "So he decided to wear a dress" Billy laughed so hard he farted really loud. The fart triggered my sister and brother-in-law to start giggling, and well, we looked like quite the white trash family. But it was fun anyway. When I told Leslie what happened she laughed and whined, "Ohhhh I wish I was there! I was soooooo bored!!"

 

After that we dropped Billy off for his last day of school  before summer starts and went home so Leslie could pack. We also had  go spy on Shane at his school. Shane had a frog jumping contest his class was participating in. Now, a lot of you may not think this was any big deal, but Shane is not your average 10 year old. HE HATES CRITTERS, and doesn't care what anyone thinks about that.

So, we show up and noticed he had confiscated  this chemical resistant looking laboratory glove that was about 10x to big for his hand so that he didn't have to "touch" the frog. When it was his turn,  he squealed as he snatched the bull frog out of container and as it squirmed in every direction to free itself from this mammoth glove, before he let it go at the starting line...AND HE WON!! The funniest part was how he dumped the frogs container off at the biology department immediately after with out an ounce of guilt.

As my sister and I left the school, we cut through the library, where there were 3 little girls about 7yo, who asked us if we would sign their "memory book" I dont know why they asked us but I sighned all 3 the same way:

 

Have a bitchen summer, see you next year.

Love, Tom Cruise

 

I have a feeling that there will be a few Morman Fathers that will be very upset about that and a few Morman mommies that will be very curious about those signatures. 

 

Tonight Shane has a baseball game and I am hoping he doesn't have the same reaction striking out as he did handling the frog. LOL

I am here until Sunday night so who knows what other little adventures are going to happen here.

Let's see...oh yeah...I'm very excited about going to see Fiona Apple with my other neice Katie on June 25th in Santa Barbra. I cant wait!!!  

 

LOL - okay...Shane just said to me "Ummm I dont want any thing, but if you go get something from the fridge you can bring me back a suprise?!?"

Oh me oh my. I dont have kids, but I do. Life is good.

More later...